Funeral was today

We had to. it was to much to carry both around all the time. we got her a beautiful dress and the speech brought tears to your eyes. something about her drew people close but then she was doing to much going the extra mile for nothing. only to get left behind every time because no one took her serious or even had the time of day to really pay her attention it hurt me to see her let down time and time again. so we had the funeral today by she rest until the soul mate is found and we all can be united and live and be able to breath.. its not a sad day just a day to sit back and see everything for what it is. 

Fuck my balance is off

if my money is right my personal life is way off. if my personal life is bliss im a broke ass. lol who knows what are you going to do. lol my mission is to get my house built our family came into some land so im going to concentrate on building my house and garden. i can be alone and just put if gigantic mirrors and love myself. so site work travel and land and home. why does this human experience have to be so fucking complicated.

and it's over

Didn't even make it a full year. Its over..... one click of the send button and my entire world is over. Another dent in my armor another life taken from me. ( wait! how many of those do I get again). I can't help but think my soul mate is truly gone and the rest are posers. impostors that have a good mouth piece. They know what to say. They know what i like or someone told him what to say. Still to this dayI have no idea what I did wrong to cause him to leave. I hate long distance relationships. Well I always have my work I can focus on. Just thinking thats what he wanted me to do in the first place. Not so much on him and what ever he was doing. I had so many suspicions but i never spoke on them just thinking if you just over look the dumb shit it would get better. lol I took a trip many states away and he didn't even pick up the damn phone and i stayed right then i should have just bounced lol but when your in love you tend to over look the things that should be red flags. but thats what i get for letting people in. getting to close and then getting shut down. i can't be to mad i never got to kiss him, touch him, smell him make love to him, see him in the morning. listen to him sleep. have a mind shattering orgasm with him. nothing just words......... Didn't even make it year. and now its over.